Caracalla Therme

Guten Tag!
I don't think I told you all about the day trip Eric and I made to the Caracalla Theme Baths. One day while the kids were at school (thank you public education), we made the hour-or-so drive to Baden-Baden. Its an area famous for its mineral baths that supposedly heal all sorts of things. Caracalla has 2 parts. There's the Roman Bath side - 17 "stations" you progress through, from steams to showers, to hot water jets to a brush scrub down to a rest area .... It seemed like too much work, and I read that the scrub down can be a little rough.

The other half consists of indoor and outdoor heated pools, inhalation rooms, a nap room with sunlamp-heated chairs, a hot tub/ice pool combo and saunas and a cafe - at your leisure - that's for me. It was a workday so it was just us, a lot of elderly Germans and French (very close to the border of France) and a Japanese family with two teenage sons. All of the ladies had on swim caps - from pre-war, pre-lycra babushkas to rubber flower petals to a silver lame turban. It was quite a fashion show. All the men had on tiny Speedos.

First we hit the outdoor and indoor heated pools, laid on the jets and relaxed. Then we went to the enormous hot tub with a pounding waterfall. You can stand under it and let it pound those tight spots out of your back. But be aware that the Germans have no concept of personal space and will be back-to-back with you (Grocery lines seem to be the worst. The Germans are on your heels. One lady at the supermarket bumped my bum so many times I was starting to wonder of there was a two-drink minimum to buy bread and milk. )
Anyway, next to the hot tub is the ice-cold pool. You are supposed to go in and out of the two to increase your circulation. One woman was doing a strict hot-for-10-seconds, cold-for-10-seconds like she was training for something. So serious. I sat in the hot tub until I started to think I should move along with my day. That's when I found out why they post those time limits on hot tubs. I felt fine until about 10 steps out and I suddenly felt like I was going to have a down-goes-Frazier moment. I sat down on the steps quickly, trying to play it cool before I fell headlong into someones Grandparent.

Then we hit the inhalation room. It was a dark, clover-shaped room with 200% Eucalyptis humidity. When we went in I suddenly couldn't breath. The air was liquid. I thought, "I can't breathe. No, seriously, I can't breathe!" (Yes, I had to tell myself to take myself seriously.) Once I sat down and closed my eyes and concentrated on relaxing it was great. I have actually never in my whole life breathed as well!

After lunch we ventured upstairs to the "Saunas and Roman Garden". You go up a winding staircase. At the top there is a door that says "No Clothing Beyond This Point." While I took a moment to wonder "Am I supposed to take off my swimsuit here in the foyer," I looked to my right and there was a row of lounge chairs outside with a 70-something man napping, nude, knees as far apart as they could go. It was like walking from a dark room into a lighbulb - "Whoa! My eyes were not ready for that." And, God bless him. It was about 30 degrees F outside. That's hearty.

So we stepped inside where there were immediatley cubbies to put your clothes in and lots of elderly people walking around, some in towels, most just carrying theirs. There were several different wet saunas, open showers and small cold pools, a juice bar, a hot tub (I think it was hot. I didn't get in. There were only two people in it, but one of them was swimming around like she had recaptured her youth and it was only a 6-person sized tub.)

We went outside and up a path to these 2 alpine cottages that were dry, wood-burning saunas. One was 85 degrees and one was 95 degrees. Eric asked which I wanted to go into. Here's the thing. I still think in Fahrenheit. Ninety-five degrees? Please. I lived in Tucson. That's nothing. My bravado is in my head, so Eric, who can think simultaneously in F and C, has no idea how wrong I am. In we went. Again, its pretty dark. We take a seat and I can't believe how hot it is (that's 203 degrees F for you metric-challenged people like me). I can't breathe again. I instantly sweat. My silver hoop earrrings begin to brand the sides of my head. I take them off. I realize the woman across from me is covering her head with a towel, not to hide her naked identity, but to protect the face. I only have one towel though and I plan to keep it between me and this sweaty bench. I think "Sweet Jesus. I'm going to leave this world just as I came into it - naked and surrounded by strangers." (If I ever write my memiors, I think that will be the title of this story "Naked and Surrounded by Strangers.")

Anyway, again I concentrate on relaxing and start to breathe and enjoy the idea that I am sweating out toxins, right? After 5 or ten minutes we go outside and I realize how that old guy could nap in the brisk air. It felt fresh and healthy. I was alive! We also hit the 85 degree one and then went inside for a shower. (A very quick rinse. If you're a 70-year-old German guy you've probably been showering in front of other men your entire life - school, sports, squad bays, saunas. My high school actually did have open showers in the girls' locker room, but no one ever took a shower there. Girls, despite what men want to think, do not shower in front of each other.)

Then we went to the "Blue Room" It had about 10 molded, chaise lounge pods, a soft blue light and music piped into your headrest. It was on rainforest sounds when we went in. Mommy was ready for a nap. But it was almost time for us to go, so we only spent 20 minutes in there before bundling back up and heading home.

One other quick observation of German peculiarity. .. All along the autobahn are rest areas. They are just half-circle pull-outs, no facilities, just a place to park for a few minutes. And I know men are used to peeing in front of other men. But there's always a guys standing there peeing. That in itself isn't the weird part. Now, picture yourself pulling into one of these half circles. Would you not step to the other side of your car, facing the forest to take care of this? They step across the drive, facing the autobahn to do it! Why? It was just about dusk the other night and there was one guy who had turned toward the trees, but he was standing in front of his car in the headlights. This ain't Broadway Herr Exhibitionist (and that would never win a Tony, no matter how good the music was). I just don't get it.

Gotta go. I've spent way too long boring you with my story. Love to you all. - Val