Idiots With Good Intentions

Yesterday afternoon the kids and I went to Woolworth's. They need snow boots, but the snowing began in earnest 4 days ago, so buying boots midwinter after 4 days of snow? Yeah, I missed the boat on that. Nothing available. It's back to soggy tennis shoes drying on the radiator for my Florida offspring. Way to parent, Mom.

The kids were in the back of the store looking at various things. I was about midway back. A petite woman walked by me pushing a stroller. A minute later she is near the front of the store and I hear her yelling, kind of freaking out. I see a huge (very heavy and about 6'5") guy pulling at the stroller. She is pulling it back. He's yelling at her and she's freaking out and yelling angrily. He's 10 times bigger than her, even in her super-high-heeled boots. My instinct is that she needs some help, so I start heading quickly that way.

So, here's something you might not know about me ... At one time I think my fight or flight response leaned toward flight, but now I naively have no fear. When I see crazy coming down the street, I don't cross the street. I get between crazy and my kids, and I look crazy in the eye to let him know I know he's there, but I don't worry. Yes, I am average sized, never-been-in-a-fight, but I secretly believe I could take anyone (who is unarmed) if I needed too. Yes, I am epically un-coordinated and have no training or experience. But I think a switch would flip in me, they'd be caught off-guard at the fact that I am not afraid, and I'd just give them some super-punch to some previously unknown weak spot and they'd go down. And, does anyone remember the Hulk show from the seventies? He was studying examples of people who have unusual strength in emergencies, like lifting a car off of someone. That could be me (the car-lifter, not Hulk. Ripped up purple shorts and that frontal lobe? I don't think so.) Why couldn't it be me? It's not called a miracle for nothing.

(For the record, if they are armed I think I could talk them down.)

I was only about 100 feet away in a direct line down the center aisle. As I am walking, in that 2 seconds I am thinking, "Is this a child-custody thing? He wants that stroller and she's freaking out. I can't see the kid, but it could get hurt. Why is everyone just standing around! How do I say 'Call Security' in German? Wait, is he Security? Is that what's going on here?"

At that moment I get close enough that the guy sees I am approaching, walking with purpose directly toward him. Then I see it in his eyes, he's not wearing a uniform, but he is Security.

Abort mission! I stopped in my tracks and turned around. It's not like I could have just veered off like I had really been heading for the socks display at that pace. Socks aren't that important to anyone. No way to casually change course. So full stop, 180 turn around.

She was shoplifting in the stroller. She still screamed and freaked out for a few more minutes as he kept her from leaving the store and the Polizei showed up. I was on my way to being a hero when I realized I was on my way to getting put in custody too.

That's probably how the phrase "No good deed goes unpunished" came into being. Because of idiots with good intentions.

But I'm just a miracle waiting to happen.

Love You - Val